Sil

TRANSCRIPTION

 

“I did sex work, because in the world of trans women and travestis, that’s the option we have to survive. Today, it’s easier, because you have the internet and other means of communication.

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I come from a time when we had to work on the streets. And on the streets, we dealt with all kinds of people, all kinds of clients—and many end up falling into alcoholism and drug use, as happened to me.

To get through the night, I used alcohol and drugs, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to do my work. My family… my father was never very supportive when it came to my sexuality, but my mother was more understanding.

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At home, my mother was the one who led the family. The final word was hers, so I was lucky to come from a household where a woman was the true head—a real commander. For my transition, I had to leave home. Why? Because I had no other option. To be able to do what I… already had a tendency toward. I call it a tendency. It wasn’t like I was a man who decided to become a woman. I already had a small chest, a tendency toward femininity—my voice, my friendships. As a child, I was more accepted by girls than by boys, because I already had that feminine way about me. What we call effeminate. So I went through bullying, through all of that, to get where I am.

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So, in order to begin hormone therapy… to make that choice, even to work as a professional, I had to leave home. And to support myself, I had to go to the streets and do sex work. I started very young. Back then, for safety, you could advertise in newspapers, but it was expensive. You had to pay rent for a small apartment, prove your income, have a guarantor—it was very difficult. So my only option was the street. And there, I truly went through a situation of vulnerability, because when you’re in the middle of that chaos, you lose track of time, of danger. Suddenly it’s morning—what did I do with my money? What am I going to eat? Where am I going to sleep? Even having a family.

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Here, I see something about not wanting to bring problems back to the family. Sometimes we create problems and want to place the blame on others, right? I used to do that a lot—blame the president, blame someone else. But in truth, these were our choices. And what we went through contributed to our physical and spiritual growth.

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At the time, I was dating a hippie, so we had a small camping tent, and we would go to the city park. When it was time to bathe, thank God there were showers there. Today, people have the option of this public restroom in the Setor, where they can take a hot shower. Even to wash clothes, to brush your teeth—you need a place for that.

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No one will let you just walk into any establishment. If you try to enter a mall, everyone will look you up and down. That’s why I don’t judge people in vulnerable situations, because I’ve been there too. I know what it’s like to spend a night without sleep, to have to humble yourself, to ask others for money.

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The worst thing is the cold—facing the cold. When I had a partner, it was one thing. When I didn’t, I had to manage on my own. I’ve always been very alone. My survival instinct was to talk here and there, and then leave, protect myself. I’ve been through all of that.
 

I think experience teaches you. And I think it hurts. For me to end up back on the streets today, I would really have to slip. To get out of that situation, you need strong spiritual support. Because it’s not a game—it’s a physical and spiritual war. A constant struggle. That’s why I don’t judge those who are on the streets, or going through hardship. Everyone is on their own spiritual journey. Jesus bothered many people because he brought light.”